Don't Can the Words.

Memories surface at the most unexpected times and places. After my husband died, I remember walking past the soup display in the grocery store aisle. My eyes caught a glimpse of a can of pea soup and I thought, "John loved pea soup." Next thing, I was putting on sunglasses to hide my tears. If I was writing a memoir of my husband John, I would have found the first opportunity to jot down the words pea soup so I could use that in a written memoir. Keep pen and paper near your bed, in your car, near the t.v., etc. and be ready to jot down words that can give your memoirs guidance.

Write, Write, Write

Don’t wait for the perfect idea. Write.
Write what you remember and then write what you don’t remember about the person or event. Writing what you don't remember often clarifies what you do remember. Often, it helps you to provide details. Saying something like, "I remember there were riots, but I don't remember why." Then you can explore the why to give depth and meaning to the story.

A Loving Point of View

While our lives differ, what will makes others want to read your story is the commonality of the story. We can all identify with struggles, hopes, illness, happiness, jealousy, disappointments, triumphs, etc. Share these commonalities while writing out of love. Not all chapters will be pleasant, but a story told out of love will make all other commonalities believable and meaningful. To me, writing a memoir is an act of love. As an author you want to share and preserve something meaningful to readers. To tell a story from any other point of view doesn't make sense.

What Emotion Does the Story Tell?

The way you chose to tell the story will determine what emotions the reader feels. Writing, "with her hands on her hip and her chin pointing in the air, she verbally attacked my comment as she turned her back to me", might elicit a reader's dislike of the character. Writing, "she didn't look me in the eye and turned away muttering what I think was her disagreement with my comment," will elicit an entirely different emotion from the reader. Be careful to identify what emotion the reader needs to feel in order to capture the essence of the story.

Does It Smell?

When you are reviewing the earlier written vignette, ask yourself some questions. Can I visualize the person or the place? Can I hear the sounds and voices? Can I feel the objects or the emotions? Can I smell the scent of the room, the person, the flowers, or the food? You get the idea. In the memoir, Looking Through You, author Jennifer Finney Boylan writes, "She blew a smoke ring towards the ceiling." Can't you just see that smoke migrating? It makes a visual picture that is more effective than saying, "She was a smoker." Look for ways to allow the reader to use his senses.

Just Write

Select a vivid memory and write about it. Write everything that comes to your mind. Don't worry about grammar or even the coordination of thoughts. Just be concerned with getting this memory on paper. Then put the writing away for a minimum of a week. In the meantime, you can write another memory on another day. Continue doing this. When at least a week since writing the memory has passed, (longer is good) bring it out and read what you wrote. It's likely that new thoughts about the event will surface. You can also work on polishing the grammar and sentence structure a bit to give it a story feel, rather than random thoughts about the subject.

It's Your Memoir

Even if your memoir is not going to include older family members, it is sometimes helpful to do a little research or accumulation of facts and stories. It can give you a better idea of who you are. Asking relatives about a specific time and event that will likely be a part of your memoir is helpful, but remember, it is still your story. No one is going to remember things exactly as you. Others' input will help you to set the tone, fill in the blanks, provide background and so forth. However, it is your memoir and tell it as you remember it. Tell those things that are important to you in your way of telling the story. The important thing is to tell it with your integrity and accuracy. If other family members see it differently, they can write their memoir.

Get The Story Straight

This week my sister and I were talking about the story behind each of our names. Turns out my Dad told her a story about her name that was the same story that my mom told me about my name. Someone was wrong! We both couldn’t have identical stories. Dad died, but Mom is still living, so we picked up the phone and asked her a lot of questions.
We solved the mystery.

Realistically, this confusion would not have mattered much to future generations, but it mattered to us as part of our personal history. What is important about this story is to ask questions of family members and friends while they are still able to provide information that the reader will want to know. So many times, I hear, “ I wished I had asked that before he died.”

Once you start writing your memoir, you will find many questions to ask. It’s not enough to take the same story you’ve heard repeatedly and put it down in your own words. It is necessary to tell it with fresh eyes. Look at the story and ask questions about it as if you’ve never heard it before. View it as if you were a reporter trying to get the details.
More on getting details in future blogs.